Ok I'm not gonna lie, this is an updated post from an earlier blog incarnation...but I have been thinking about those pivotal moments or experiences that have made me who I am now...those that changed our lives and/or our outlooks on our lives.
I will now share with you my life changing experiences.....drumroll please
Firstly...my father's death. I was 13, almost 14, and I was Daddy's girl, the only girl in a family of boys. I had never had to deal with death before. My world was devastated and it took months to actually realize he was gone and that I would never see him again. My heart still pains as I write this. However...this loss made me appreciate life in such a way I never had before. I had always been painfully shy and I decided to start trying to live out loud for a change. I no longer wanted to watch my life...I wanted to start being dynamic and stepping out from my safety zone. I still consider myself shy but those that know me will shake their heads at that. I lost my daddy but I gained a reverence for life that has not left me.
Secondly....giving birth. *warning* some serious flaky shit to follow..... I had always been very insecure and self conscious of my body and had abused it with bulimia. Becoming pregnant was very liberating for me as I realized I would never abuse this vessel that was carrying my little bambina...instead I celebrated my belly as it grew. I nourished it with good healthy food (and I don't care what anyone says sushi and chocolate are the way to go for my pregnancies) and smothered it with cocoa butter. Don't get me wrong...I was still a raging hormone case who could either collapse in a ball of tears or become a crazy biotch at the drop of a hat...but the actual birthing of each of my daughters was the most primal empowering experience of my life. There was something deep in my core of being that I tapped into and that changed me. I felt strong and able and I was...and I am.
Thirdly....having my laser eye surgery. OK...yes this may sound vain but those of you that wear glasses or contacts because you really can't see shit without them, you all will understand this one. I had worn glasses (or was supposed to wear the glasses I left in my backpack) since I was 11 years old. I got my contacts when I was 14. There is no way to describe gaining your sight...waking up in the morning and being able to see the clock on the nightstand without squinting and reaching for your glasses.....looking up at the trees and actually seeing the leaves....priceless.
Fourthly....leaving my husband and all the shite that ensued in the aftermath.... I still can't believe how hard those few years were. I had to learn to let go of anger and not let it take over my life. I had to accept (once again) that life was unfair. I had to regain my faith in myself and in the universe. I had to learn to not wallow in self pity for too long (just a little bit and then brush myself off). I had to learn how to be mom and dad to my three daughters. I had to realize I already knew all this and was always both parents.
Fifthly (is that a word? it just doesn't look right)....getting fired. Once again I was reminded that shit happens and just because you are righteous you are not always rewarded for it. Sometimes you fight the good fight and you lose. I was humbled and really had to take a hard look at what I was doing in my life. I realized I was defining myself by my professional identity and lost track of who I was as a whole person. Since I have become more content with who I am as a mother, lover, friend, and woman...even if I'm broke hehehe.
I could probably think of a few other pivotal moments but really these are the biggies...the lessons I go back to when I need to...and even sometimes when I don't want to.
So what about you, bloggy world? Have you had epiphanies? Share share share....
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